So I have decided to take it upon myself to learn to skateboard.

I've never done it before and I don't even have a board. I do, however, have pretty decent balance.

Any tips?

Is it just me, or has the quality of Newgrounds gone incredibly downhill compared to previous years?

Seriously, they're all dudes. It's alright.

There's all kinds of music, everywhere you go
Some folks like it fast, and some like it slow
Some like it hot, some like it blue
Uh some like it old, and some like it new
Now I'm not liking country, and I'm not rappin' rap
You can make a man swing, just say my thing
No, I'm talkin' to dig, my step
The only thing that turns me on
Is when I hear a soulful song

I like soul with a capital S
Soul with a capital S
Sweet soul music, that's the best
Soul with a capital S

Music makes you happy, thinking makes you sad
It can do the worst thing to the best you ever had
For entertainment found you if you had to choose
You and me might disagree, 'cause I like rythm and blues
Now I'm not missin' disco, I'm not saying punk is bunk
I can't settle for heavy metal, cause I got to have that funk

I like soul with a capital S
Soul with a capital S
Sweet soul music, that's the best
Soul with a capital S

Oh, there's people who tell you to get in with the times
It doesn't even matter that if your poem rimes
But I'm here to tell you, whatever comes along
There's something that gave up everyone and there ain't no right or
wrong

I like soul with a capital S
Soul with a capital S
Sweet soul music, that's the best
Soul with a capital S

Some rock makes you lazy
Highschool leaves you flat
Fusion drives you crazy
That's now funk is where it's at

I like soul with a capital S
Soul with a capital S
Sweet soul music, that's the best
Soul with a capital S
I like soul with a capital S
Soul with a capital S
Sweet soul music, that's the best
Soul with a capital S

solo

I like soul with a capital S
Soul with a capital S
Sweet soul music, that's the best
Soul with a capital S

Play that funky groove

Gender: Male/Female
Age: __
(User)Name:
Previous Experience:

--------------------------------------
----------------

I, Twerpo, personally thank you for voluntearing for the Anti-Terrorist unit of Newgrounds. We will go around the world to fight people who disagree with us. Beccause remember, when we take all the defenses of our nation away to fight a war, it will stop the terrorists from attacking us at home.

Nope? Okay.

Srsly.

She broke up with for no reason. I'm with her for five years, and on the night I am to propose to her she breaks up with me. Apparently she found another man she likes better. What a fucking bitch. Five years I am with her and she still has no god damn respect for me?!? I taught her a lesson though. I made her pay for her sins.

It happened on a late Saturday night. I was walking home from a nearby 7-11 when I saw her. Walking down the street. It looked like she was going out to a date. Her nose is all powdered and she had her nice makeup on. She's wearing a tight top that showed off her perfect stomach. Her skirt is almost short enough so that you could her panties. Her necklace. God Damnit, her fucking necklace! That was the same damn necklace I gave to her the night she broke up with me. The nerve she has to wear it out on a date!

I follow her. It seemed she's going to a small club hidden deep in the city. It's not smart of her to dress like that and be in this kind of area. She's just asking to get raped. Son of a bitch! She is going to the same club I used to take her all the time. I knew the route she had to take. It's time for her to pay for what she had done to me.

I cut one block to the right and run forward as fast as I can. I continued quickly until I get to the alley that I know she'll have to go through. I pull my fishing knife out of my pocket, and wait in the shadows.

It wasn't long until she came. From the front I could get a better view of her. She had cut her hair, in a different and sexier look. Her brunette hair flowed down to her shoulders. Her top was low cut, and showed off her tight breasts. She really is just asking to get raped.

I hide behind a trash can and wait for her until she's walked right past me, and then I pounce. Quickly, I put the knife to her neck while covering her mouth with my other hand.

"Scream and you die." I tell her coldly. "We're going to take a walk. If you do anything," I say while placing my knife on her kidney, "You won't live for much longer." I put my arm around her and walk start walking with her home.

"Frank? Is that you? Oh my God Frank! What in God's name are you doing?!?" She says to me.

"This is the last time I'm telling you, if you don't shut up now, you die."

We walk to an old abandoned crack house that I use to get away from my room mate. I'm lucky that there isn't any occupied house near it; there are advantages to being in an industrial sector. Roughly, I throw her into a closet, gag her with an old sock and lock her in. God, I'm an idiot. Why the fuck did I have to go and do this. I can't let her go now, she'll go to the cops. I might as well make her pay for what she has done to me.

I prepare a table to tie her down and start a fire in the fireplace. I take her out, and force her to lie on the table. When I start tying her down she starts to fight me, but that quickly stops with my knife resting on her throat.

I put a piece of rebar on the ground into the fire. I then cut off all of her clothes. Sitting down in a chair, I admire her naked body for a while. Her supple breasts, flat stomach and tight ass are a sight to see. That is why I asked her out in the first place. Her personality, I learned quickly, is somewhat lacking.

"God, Sarah. Why'd you have to dump me? It wouldn't have come to this you know. I was going to ask you to marry me. We could have been a happy family. But no, you had to fuck it all up didn't you."

She stares at me. She obviously afraid, yet there's an angry fire in her eyes. That is one thing I always liked about her. She has spunk.

"You're not going to answer me?" I saw with a smirk, " That's a shame. Then again, you were never much of a talker."

I put on a pair of rubber gloves and pull the now red hot end of the rebar out of the fire. I slowly walk up to her, smiling sardonically. I place the scalding hot rebar inches away from her cheek. She tries to squirm away from it, but I tied her tight enough that she can't effectively move.

"Hush hush now Sarah. You brought this on yourself."

She tries to scream threw her gag, but once again, my knife on her throat quickly stops that.

"Now Sarah. That's not very nice. You wouldn't want to wake the neighbors," I say while laughing.

I take the rebar from beside her cheek and put it by her stomach. She's really squirming now, trying to break free.

"Weren't you planning to get a heart tattooed on your stomach? I guess I'll have to help out then.

I place the burning hot rebar on her stomach. She screams. I laugh. She's violently jerking against the handcuffs I used to bind her to the table. I lift the rebar.

"Stay still Sarah, you wouldn't want to have me redo this," I tell her while chuckling.

I replace the rebar back on her stomach, and begin to draw a heart. Her squirming makes it almost impossible to draw though, and it ends up looking like a lopsided circle.

"I told you not to squirm Sarah. You messed me up. I'm going to have to do it again."

Once again, I place the rebar on her stomach. She lets out a muffled scream, but doesn't move.

"Good Sarah." I say without removing the rebar. "It's good to have some self control."

I continue to draw a heart on her stomach, her screaming the whole time. When I'm finished, I realize that my art skills are somewhat lacking, but at least you can tell it's a heart.

"That's a good girl Sarah. That's a good girl."

I place the rebar back in the fire.

"You sure are damn sexy when you're scared." I say to her. "What do you say girl? One last fuck? Maybe I'll let you go if you please me enough."

She nods her head vigorously. She actually thinks that she'll be able to get herself out of this. I smile at her and suddenly pick up the red hot rebar and shove it into her vagina. She screams and writhes in excruciating pain. I laugh at her. When she's finally done screaming, I slowly pull the rebar, bringing forth an encore of screams.

"Now that doesn't look too good does it?" I say while chuckling. "I guess we'll just have to do anal won't we?"

I place the rebar back in the fire then undress myself. I walk to her face and place the knife on her throat while warning her.

"You scream, you die."

Then, I undo her gag. My penis is hard now. I stick it in her mouth for her to suck.. She bites down on it and without thinking I slit her throat.

FUCKING SHIT! BITCH! THE PAIN! GOD ALMIGHTY! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! AHHH!

She bit strait through my penis. A geyser of blood is shooting from my crotch. I drop the knife and press down on it to stop the bleeding. Sarah is laughing at me with mirth, blood flowing down her throat. If I don't stop this bleeding fast Sarah won't be the only dead person here. I grab the rebar and place the burning end on my severed penis. The pain is excruciating but it stops the bleeding. I turn to see that Sarah is dead, her naked body drenched with both her and my own blood.

Fucking Sarah. Even now you had to take everything away from me. I have nothing left now in life. I hate my job, my parents, my room mate and now I have no penis. I've got nothing else to live for.

I grab a fire axe that I have, and sever her head. I go to the garage and take the car I have stored there.

I drive to the nearest police station and walk in naked, carrying her severed head.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Yells the officer at the desk.

I'm quickly arrested and tried. I have no need for a lawyer so I do not use one. I plead guilty and get the death penalty. After two months of a somewhat relaxing jail stay, I chose to be executed by firing squad.

A bag is placed over my head and I find myself strangely calm. I hear the rifles cycling.

Goodbye world.

*BANG*

--------------------------

Once again, just reposting this for my convenience. In hindsight I guess I just could have posted links. Oh well, too late now.

Birthdays. Such an odd celebration really. A special time once a year celebrating.... celebrating what? Being one year closer to death? The Earth surviving another revolution around the sun? Not really something to celebrate. Oh well. I guess I'll take my cake and damn presents.

I hate their presents. Those worthless possessions of pointless use. Why do mom and dad have to insist on giving me such childish toys? What possible entertainment could I get from action figures and a bicycle? I wish they would give me a real toy. Something I really could have fun with. But what could they get me? A gun. A gun would be nice.

But no. I had to get that on my own. Arrange a play-date with Tyrone. Steal his dad's pistol. They don't even know what's hidden under their own bed.

There are advantages to being five years old though. You can get away with anything really. I'm sorry mommy; I didn't mean to drop my sister on her face. I didn't mean to stab you with the pin daddy. I didn't know that you're not supposed to put Tabasco in Julia's milk.

Well let's go down and see what Mom and Dad are doing to celebrate this meaningless day. I walk down the stairs and look around in the kitchen. What? Nothing; no one's here. That's not normal. Even my idiot parents couldn't forget this day. Maybe they're still sleeping.

I go to my parent's room; the door is closed. They might be having sex but who cares. Give their hearts a little jump. Maybe I'll be able to actually see some real sex for once. I'll finally get to analyze the real thing instead of cautiously hiding under the bed watching Dad jack to Internet porn. It always seemed such an odd act. And the faces they made while doing it. So laughable.

I open the door. My dad's sitting there. Staring at the floor in between his feet. Slowly, he looks up. "Happy birthday," he says sardonically. "Where's mom?" I ask. "She's out doing some last minute birthday shopping. Getting you some presents and a cake," he replies in mirth. "She always waits to the last minute. Never prepared for anything. I, on the other hand, already have your Birthday present ready for you." There's a bulge in his pants now. An erection from what I can tell. Maybe he knows about my interest in intercourse. Hired a hooker to show me.

He runs to me and grabs me. I'm not afraid, I finally get to see sex for real. He puts my arms behind my back and ties them. He just must not want me to interfere with his fun. I'm fine with that. He turns me on my stomach, puts me into the fetal position. He rips my pants off of me. Something's not right. Why would he do that?

"I've got your birthday present right now." He starts to snicker. Slowly, he unzips his pants, revealing his bulging penis. It's prominent veins embossed on the surface. He turns on the stereo loud. He walks over to me and gets down on his knees. He kneels on the ground and forces me into the position.

Then, he shoves it in me. No lube or anything. He didn't even wait for the anus to slowly stretch itself out. The pain, it burns. I can feel his massive meat inside of me. Going in and out burning my butt. I scream but no one hears. The stereo is too loud. His large penis is going to rip my ass in half. It seems to go on a lifetime. My anus burns with a passion. The pain is going to tear me apart. My face is being pushed into the ground with the power of his pumps. I turn my head the other way. I see it. The pistol. If only I could reach it. But my hands are tied. Then I feel it. His hot orgasm in my anus. I can feel his hot fluid penetrating into my ass burning its insides.

"Happy birthday Jimmy," he says with a chuckle. "Now don't tell anyone what happened today or I will kill you son. If I find out you told anyone about this I will make sure you have the most painful death imaginable." Don't worry father. In a few minutes you'll be too dead to care. He stands there for a moment, and then unties my hands.

I let them fall to the floor. Can't let him get suspicious. He walks to the bathroom to clean up. As soon as he's out of sight I grab the pistol and a pillow from the bed and wait outside the doorway to the bathroom, clinging to the wall. He walks out. I trip him and he falls. Quickly I run to his head. I hold the pillow tight to his head and shoot him through it. He's dead. I killed him fairly quietly. With the stereo still blazing I'm sure no one heard it. I grab another pillow and head out to the hallway.

Now's my chance. I've been waiting for months since I got this gun to kill Julia, waiting for the perfect moment. This is the time, the perfect moment to kill her. She's always crying for food, or a diaper change. Always wanting attention. My parents never cared about me; never noticed my brilliance. Finally my parents will be able to realize how intelligent I am instead of how small my body is. Sure, dad is dead, but maybe mom will respect me now. I walk up to her room and stand next to her crib. "Goodbye Julia," I say.

She's dead now. Finally Mom will be able to see me for who I am. I'll get the respect I earn now.

"Honey, I'm home," Mom says. She's home. She'll see what I've done and recognize me for who I am. "Honey? Are you there." She's heading for their room. "Jesus Christ!" She's seen it. In some time she'll see what I did. She'll understand everything and we'll be happy now. "Mommy? I'm in here," I call for her. "Just minute Jimmy, I'm a lit-little busy."

I will not be delayed in my moment of glory now. "Mommy! Look at Julia," I call for her. I hear here running here. She's afraid of what might have happened. She gets to the doorway and freezes. "Oh my God!" She's seen it. I have the gun in my hands. Julia's dead. She'll love me now. We can be happy together. "What have you done Jimmy!" She exclaims. "I've gotten rid of the distractions mother. We can be happy now."

"You've killed your father and Julia! Oh God!" She's crying now, weeping. Why is she so sad? Isn't this a good thing? "Look at what you've done Jimmy! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

I look at the room. Julia's skull is half missing. Blood is spattered through the whole room, bone shards embedded in the walls and furniture. Blood forming a large stain in the floor, slowly growing bigger and bigger. Gore is everywhere. Oh God. I've killed my sister. And my father too. How could I do such a thing? How could I be so evil? Oh God. Oh God No. Why? Why did this have to happen? I can't go on living anymore. Oh God.

I raise the gun to my head. I feel the cold metal on my temple. Goodbye world.

*BANG*

--------------------

Just reposting this for my convenience.

Well since we have this new feature, I might as well use it for something. Hopefully NG doesn't turn into a shitty myspace site though.

This past week I've been away at Jazz Camp. It was pretty cool actually. For the past couple of years, the camp was packed with people, but this year there was only around 18, so we each pretty much got private lessons with amazing jazz musicians.

Basically, we'd meet with the profesors in the morning, then go to our jazz combo group (A small jazz ensemble with usually only one of each kind of horn i.e. : Trumpet, Trombone, Alto Sax and Tenor Sax). It was pretty fun, except for the fact that everyone else in my combo was a Senior and was therefore, awesome at Jazz. It's not like I totally sucked, but I always felt like a douche after my solos because I didn't know the crazy music theory that they did.

On the final day, we had a concert where we performed the various peices we had prepared that week. I had a some pretty decent solos and overall it was pretty cool.

The jazz was fun, but that wasn't even the half of it. I stayed at the dorms for the six days I was there, and we had plenty of fun there. I don't want to say anything self-incriminating, but we had some pretty sketchy stuff going on in the dorms. It was damn fun.

Overall, it was a great learning experience and it really taught me a lot on how to play jazz and how I can improve my playing.

P.S. I'll upload some pics of me performing whenever I decide to rip the pics off my camera.